Covered in Rose petals
by Romea
Summary: Akito has one week to live, how will he live it? He thinks about his short future and past.
1. Prologue: Petals of Roses

Akito is dying and wonders what he will do with his remaining days.

This is written from Akito's point of view. 

No parings.

**@-,--'--,--'----**

_The wind sang as the roses flew by_

_This world does have beauty_

_This beauty I see in lonesomeness for I am alone_

**_Prologue: Petals of Roses_**__

I thought of the sun, the fresh air, and those beautiful creatures that I adored, the birds. I wanted to go there, it wasn't very far away yet I couldn't, I was stuck here. I tried to grab something, but I found nothing.

"You shouldn't move so much you are not feeling well," Hatori scolded. 

I didn't answer him, I found his comment futile, I was aware of this myself; it was as if he had nothing to say and that was the truth.

"I came back with the results..." Hatori said calmly yet I found something different in his voice, could it be fear or relief? Even I wasn't sure. This made me mad, I should know everything!

"Yes?" I said bored. I lifted my hands and studied them, so beautiful and so pale they were, so fragile but yet strong. This was a routine I did often when I had nothing to do, when I was in such a weak state I could not move around much.

"I'm afraid..." he whispered and said nothing after that. What are you afraid of? That I am dying? You're lying to yourself little doctor. You will be so happy... Do you not have the courage to tell me? Even I can feel it, my heart is beating so slowly, I find my breathings more forced then usual. 

My hands started shaking, I tried to stop it, I became furious with myself, I had no control over this! 

I forced my legs to rise, I needed to stand, I could not lie here anymore.

"What are you doing?" Hatori asked stupidly.

"Help me," I simply said.

He hesitated but did what I asked. "Take me outside."

It pained me, even walking was torture. I held Hatori's strong arms and couldn't help feeling jealous, he had all this strength and I had nothing!

I pushed him away angrily while we were standing outside. He looked shocked at me but I ignored this and got seated on the porch. I lay down, this was much better.

"I got the results," Hatori said. There was no need to tell me what the answer of the results was, I knew the answer and I easily spotted the nervous gestures Hatori wouldn't do normally. 

It was a perfect day, not to warm but not cold, it was just... perfect. "I'm sorry to say this," he paused, "you are dying." A bird landed on my stretched out hand. How marvelous this creature, such deep dark eyes. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Are you listening to me?" Hatori asked. I slapped his hand away annoyed.

"I've heard everything you said to me." Such pale color this bird had, it was completely white, almost like me. Those eyes, such dark eyes, they were my eyes! I hated this bird! I clenched my fist and thrust it in the air, the frightened bird flew away. Stupid bird! I looked at it crazed, I to wanted to fly away. I wanted to be free from all burdens, I hated everything! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

I breathed heavily and felt a strong abomination for my relatives, they thought I enjoyed this, they knew nothing! I especially hated _her_,Tohru, that fatuous girl.

I saw Hatori eyeing me sadly.

"What?!" I yelled. 

"Don't you want to know how long you have to live?"

This question surprised me, I hadn't thought about it. 

I laughed and saw Hatori getting a pained look on his face. How utterly foolish I had been, why hadn't this crossed my mind? The day my sight would be taken, my thoughts, my movements, the little light I had now. The eternal sleep... Why did I suddenly feel fear? 

The wind started to blow and petals of flowers fell on us. I took one between my fingers; I would no longer see or feel this flower. I had accomplished nothing in my life, even my idiotic relatives sneaked behind my back. "How long?" I finally asked. This was my life – this pain was my life. My life had circled around pain and nothing else. I should be happy it would end soon for I had nothing to live for; no one had made this life something worthy or something meaningful. I was alone.

"One week," Hatori said.

One week? That was an eternity to me but still it seemed so short.

"What are you thinking?" Hatori asked carefully.

"How happy you all will be." I closed my eyes, the wind felt nice. With fear I opened them again and breathed rapidly. My heart was beating so slowly, I felt buried alive when I closed my eyes.

"You are wrong," Hatori said not noticing my fear for he seemed lost in his own thoughts. "We will not be happy..."

I laughed at this. "You are lying to a dying man." I rose and went inside; the pain had subsided for awhile. I looked at a vase filled with roses and took it. It was cold, my hands trembled a bit. I threw it and it landed just behind Hatori. He jumped stunned and frightened.

"What are you doing?!" he said alarmed. Malice filled my mind, they would never feel what I felt, well they should!

"Shut up! Don't lie to me! I know what you all think!  Get out! I'll give you my permission when I want your company which probably won't happen since I'll be dead soon. Leave now!" 

"No, perhaps you'll need me..." he whispered.

"For what?" I laughed tiredly. "I'm dying you fool there is nothing that can be done."

He looked at me one last time before leaving.

I sunk tiredly to the floor and took a rose that had fallen down from the broken vase. The thorns stung me and my hand started to bleed, I took no notice of the pain since I was used to it but the blood I saw clearly. I watched as it dripped down on the floor with empty eyes. Red, so red, just like the rose. Red petals surrounded the whole floor; I lay down with the rose still in my hand surrounded by the bloody roses.

**@-,--_'_--,--_'_----**

Hours had passed, I was so tired but I didn't want to close my eyes. Only one week left... I blinked exhausted. 

What was there to do before I left this earth?

What had I accomplished in my life?

Perhaps absolutely nothing? If so I will die with pain, but it didn't matter, even if I had done something with great importance I would still die with pain. 


	2. Day I: Age of Loneliness

Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! I love them all! 

Arrei, it's nice to see you here, I'm thrilled you like this! Wow, you were the first one to review "Hitting on all the Guys" and this story as well. Everyone else, thank you so much! Your reviews means a lot to me. 

Keitorin: Yes, you will know what Akito does with his remaining days since that's what the story is about.

Perhaps I should have said this in the beginning, I wanted to give Akito a time limit because I wanted to make him aware of how long he has to live and how he chooses to live those days he has left. ^.~;

**Note**: Hmm, what do you say in English when a clock ticks? Tick, tick, tick? Or maybe you don't say that at all? Something else besides the tick?

Let's move on to the story now shall we. ^.^; 

**@-,--'--,--'----**

_She's going to heaven they said to me_

_I am not_

_I will go to a realm of darkness and peace_

_It is not heaven_

_It is not hell_

_It is nowhere_

_I am going nowhere_

_For there is no heaven or hell_

_We... are going nowhere_

**_Day I: Age of Loneliness_**

_"He's in heaven."_

I woke up and breathed heavily. I touched my sweaty throat. _"He's in heaven." _Shut up! There is no heaven!

Slowly I came to realization where I was, I was not on the floor anymore... Someone must have carried me. My wounded hand was now cleaned and bandaged. Hatori...

I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth, you idiot! I wanted to wake up there... I wanted to be with my blood stained roses... I want to be surrounded with them...

_"He's in heaven." _ Argh! I covered my ears and buried my head in the pillow. 

He was not in heaven... For he was somewhere else, he was down _there _in the dark, in the soil, in the mud. He was buried beneath the ground, and that was not heaven.

A flashback struck me.

It happened when I was just a mere child... The first funeral I attended. I was standing by myself, the rain was pouring down, showing its wrath for the loss of this child that had died. It was a boy... a woman looked at my full with sympathy. She said, _"poor boy... So young..." _she shook her head sadly. 

_"Where is he now?" _I had asked.

_"He's in heaven," _she replied.

Such foolish words, I know that now. Adults made these pathetic strange excuses because they wanted their children not to fear. Why shouldn't we fear? Fear was part of life... But then again I guess joy was part of life and I had not known joy yet...

A knock on the door interrupted my dark thoughts.

"What?!"

"It's me," Hatori said. "Can I come in?"

"Fine," he came in carrying a tray with tea and food. He placed the tray on my lap. "You need your strength," he said.

"Hmph. For my funeral?" I muttered and rose out of the bed.

I went thereto my precious roses, they fascinated my suddenly. They were beautiful. For I was beautiful, sadness was beautiful... What does it make happiness then? Ugly? No one is truly happy for there is always sadness lurking in the corner. For me happiness was an illusion, a fantasy. 

The rose was not only beautiful but strong. I was strong, who else but me could have endured this torture? Everyone would have been broken by now. 

The rose had thorns and so did I. We did have differences though; my thorns could not be cut off. My strength would never disappear, well; it would soon since I would be lying cold and still under the ground, I thought bitterly.

"Did you tell them?" I suddenly asked.

"Tell them what?" Hatori asked.

"That I'll be dead soon idiot." I took up a rose and looked at it intense. I followed the stalk of it and watched as the blood oozed up. Hatori's work all in vain... I smiled.

"I did," he said calmly but I detected something else in his voice, anxiety. "I called Shigure yesterday..." he paused and glanced at me, "what are you doing?"

_Drip, drip, drop.__ Drip..._ "I don't know..." It was true, I didn't know. Did I even care? A drop of sweat fell down on my lips and I tasted salt.

The rose fell from my hand.

Sweaty, I was so sweaty, it was not because I was warm for it was cold sweat, I dropped to my knees and I could feel blood pouring out from them since they had landed on the roses. I hated this, I hated this weakness. 

I gasped for air and tried to grab something invisible. _"He's in heaven." _Was I grabbing for _him_? The dead boy? I thought foolishly in my delirious mind.

No, for he was sleeping forever in the dirt, he will not rescue you, you fool!

Somebody turned me around; this made it easier for me to breathe. 

"Are you all right?" Hatori asked full of concern. Oh, shut up, I know you don't care for me.

I stood up with shaky legs and used the wall for support.

"What did Shigure say?" I asked and pressed my face against the wall, my lips brushing it, my lashes stroking it gently as I closed my eyes.

"He was sad..."

I smiled. "He wasn't..."

I don't want lies.

"Akito..."

"Just be quiet... You're giving me a headache."

I opened my eyes and found myself starring in the emptiness of the wall.

Slowly I turned around. Hatori was gone, how long had I been standing here?

I walked slowly to the next room and looked at the time. Two in the afternoon, there was still much time to live out this day.

I looked out and saw that it was starting to rain.

But how... How should I live this day?

**@-,--_'_--,--_'_----**

I stared silently at the rain.

Thunder could be heard as well. It was actually quite nice this sound. It made me feel at ease somehow.

Without thinking I walked out so that I was standing in the middle of the chaos.

Within seconds I was soaked. Drenched in the cold water. My body chilled.

I lifted my head so that I was staring right into the gloomy clouds. I blinked as raindrops fell into my eyes.

Was this how tears tasted?

Suddenly I opened my mouth and let the water fall in. I realized what I had done and spit the water out, this polluted water! It was trying to poison me.

I looked bitterly in my wounded hand, as if I was searching for answers in it.

I found none.

Everyone must know by now. Yet no one had come to see me.

They were surely dancing happily inside now, counting each minute that passed.

I felt a stab in my heart, I would not deny it.

It was because of them that I had this life... It was their fault I was dying!

They were weak; beatitude was what they were seeking, the only feeling they wished to have. The feeling they strived to have... They could not live with the pain. They had to speak of it, they could not hold it in. They needed comfort for they could not endure it alone.

I could.

The wind passed my furiously several of times. My hair was glued to my face.

My hands were shaking by now and soon the rest of the body followed, no wonder, how long had I been standing in the rain?

I fell down and landed in the mud.

I didn't cry for help.

Would I accept my fate before my dying hour?

I saw a light before me; a person was standing in front of me... An angel. It was an illusion which I created for even I needed to talk. Even if it was just with myself.

"Idiot," it muttered to me. My own mind speaking.

Yes, I was an idiot, why had I fantasized this creature?

A paradox.

Nothing made sense yet they did.

Was I just fooling myself?

I did not need this illusion! I was not _them_!

"So are you," I said coldly to myself.

I suddenly laughed. How could I not? I was talking to myself! I was calling myself an idiot.

No, I was certainly not like them. 

I spoke to myself, not to others. 

I only needed me.

The image faded away and so did everything else, I was not aware of anything now except the pain, I moaned. The rain felt like cold knifes stabbing my flesh.

It should be nice to walk away from this life, right?

I knew only of suffering and the suffering of others but there was more to life, but those other things... It was too late for me... It had always been too late for me.

Why wish for joy when there was so little time?

The day I was born had been my doom. I was marked for life. This child only lived to die... That was my destiny. That was my purpose in life. I was to die because of _them_.

I had been dying when I took my first breathe.

Perhaps I had been dead all my life? This surely could not be living...

Only one thing had made me feel alive and that was to see myself as strong and others weak for then I could forget that I was the weak one...

I lie to myself thus making me lie to others...

No, it was not lies! Everything had been true...

I didn't understand myself at times.

Thinking to much cause this, and the only thing I had been able to do in life properly was that – to think.

Each day that had passed by in my short life, all of it was filled with thoughts. Bitterness, the blaming of others, even self-pity.

I raised my right arm towards the sky. It trembled slightly. I cupped it and felt water running in it and then running out, landing on my face, running over my eyes and my lips.

Suddenly I felt serenity.

Was it because I was no longer aware of the pain? Was it the rain? Or something else? It was most likely the first.

This emptiness... It was rather nice... The feeling of numbness.

Would I feel this way before I died? Serenity. Or would I scream in pain, shouting and begging for mercy that death would not take me in his cold arms?

I guess I would find that out soon, I thought virulent.

I blinked as the thunder shouted its roar.

This age of loneliness...

I fainted.

**@-,--'--,--'----**

Everything hurts, was my first thought as I awoke.

I opened my eyes and looked into Hatori's.

"What were you doing out there in the rain? This is not good for your health." A mild scold, an unnecessary remark.

It had already been done with what was the point with dwelling in it?

I surely did not care and neither did he I believed.

"Does it matter?" I mumbled.

He didn't say anything, he just sighed.

The bright light from the lamps hurt my eyes. I closed them for a minute and tried to breathe normally.

I did not want lamps, I wanted something softer... less hurting, something more real. Not false light. Candles. I wanted candles.

But candles they were dangerous, what if they fell and something started burning? I would burn to death, perhaps die earlier, and die when I still had some time left.

Fire was such a beautiful thing though, I surely would be remembered.

'The Sohma master burned to death.'

Maybe something like, 'the evil master finally got the fate he deserved.'

Or 'the devil finally coming home.'

Perhaps some would say 'evil is finally gone from the world.'

"What time is it?" I asked suddenly.

How long till this day ended? What more could I do? What _was _there to do?

I would not lie around silently till death found me; I _would_ do something with this dreadful life.

"Its night..." he mumbled and looked down at his watch. "Eleven to be exact."

Eleven? Had I been out of it so long?

This day was coming to an end... 

I couldn't do anything more today... Such waste. 

I clenched my fists.

The bitterness was growing again, it could not be avoided.

Everything was in the color of black in my mind. I was standing in the middle, pale and broken, I was shouting. The shout echoed in my mind, reminding me of my anguish and the feeling of solitude.

"You should get some sleep," Hatori said. 

Sleep? I thought repulsed with his words.

"Sleep?" I hissed. "Sleep?!" I shouted. "I've been sleeping for about eight hours now! Do you think I can sleep now?! Do you know how much time I have left?" I looked directly into his eyes. "You have no idea how this is! You never will!" I struck him in the face and he flew backwards.

He looked at my in fear.

I was stronger then him! I was stronger then everyone! "Out," I said quietly then I shouted the same word again, "out!"

He jumped up and eyed me sadly. "Akito-" then he shut his mouth and looked at me in silence.

What is it? It can't be that you are hurt by my words, I don't think they matter to you... Is it grief? Don't be stupid.

My head fell backwards 

Exhaustion was caressing me with its uninvited hands.

There were cracks in the ceilings...

The first funeral I have ever attended was that boy's... My second and last funeral that I would go to will be my own.

_tick__, tock, tick, tock..._


End file.
